Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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