My friends, they love my intelligence
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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