need another drink. this is the easiest way
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You dont lie about slip and slides
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
