As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
