Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize