So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
