A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
