TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
