He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
