omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
