I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
