I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
