It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
