We need to start having sex underwater more often.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
be right there i have to get my cape
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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