All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
