i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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