It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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