I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
