ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
