I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
