He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my liver is dry heaving
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
