he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is Oprah even human
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
