So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
