meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
