I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
