Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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