Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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