my phone needs a breathalizer
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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