just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
