I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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