i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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