The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
