she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize