He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
