there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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