textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
