Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
