Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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