why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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