well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
