What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
