Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
