I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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