He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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