so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
