I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
