So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
