K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
