were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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