um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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