she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
