just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this will be a night to untag.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
