am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
