hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
