so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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