I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
