I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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