pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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