just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.