why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.