Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
two words...techno handjob
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.