I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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