I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals