I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying