I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
