Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
how does that bad decision feel?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
