Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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