she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
