She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
