Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
