i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
