im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
